I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
How naked do you want me to be?
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