No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
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