I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
nutella sex= disaster
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
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