I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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