This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
It's total crap. On a side note I watched a porn of 4 guys wrestling in chocolate then messing around with each other. It was like a dream come true
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
Randomize
