I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Randomize
