I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
Randomize
