I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
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