Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
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