fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
Randomize
