i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
Randomize
