Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(412): View more from Pennsylvania

Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.

(1-412): View more from Pennsylvania

Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.

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(630): View more from Illinois

you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.

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(937): View more from Ohio

Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.

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(626): View more from California

I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.

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(410): View more from Maryland

He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder

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