FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
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