yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
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