My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
Randomize
