the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
