You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
Don't EVER smell your tampon
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
Randomize
