and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
Randomize
