Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
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