you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
Randomize
