i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
Randomize