I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
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