Apparently you make a good broom.
yup put them legs up on your shoulders and eat her like some folgers
eat her like coffee?
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
