I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
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