Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
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