just survived the first fart of the relationship.
Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
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