this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
Randomize
