Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
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