I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
Randomize
