That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
Randomize
