his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
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