i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
Randomize
