Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
Randomize
