Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Randomize
