Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Randomize
