ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
Randomize
