I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
Randomize
