You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
What changed your mind?
Being sober
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
Randomize
