I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
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