atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
Randomize
