Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
Randomize
