is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
Randomize
