I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
Randomize
