Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
Randomize
