my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
we need to get ahold of those "sexting" teens on tyra. HAWT!
wasnt one 13?
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
Randomize
