stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
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