Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
Randomize
