Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
Randomize