Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
Randomize
