My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
