Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
