You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
This is evicking siegelnvs
Im sorry?
This is fucking ridiculous*
Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
Randomize
