Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
so basically i'm the" little sister", he's the "big brother" and we just fucked
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
Randomize
