Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
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