pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
Sacagawea was the original milf.
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize
