When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
Randomize
