I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
yes he's amazing in bed. he made me like, black out. everything went black it was weird. so yes, i'd fuck him again. plus, he has every season of buffy on dvd
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
Randomize
