Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
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