just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Randomize
