I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
Randomize
