Her cum face looks like the large marge scene in pee-wees big adventure
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
Randomize
