dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
Randomize
