I wish I could teleport
her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
Randomize
