I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
Randomize
