the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
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