her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
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