you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
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