I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
