I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
Randomize
