Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
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