i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
Randomize
